January 29, 2012

Getting Intoxicated On A Mug In The Dormitory

College is the greatest years to be drunk. Of course, it’s the beginning of the lawful way to get drunk and there’s no better way than to get drunk with that bottle of unbranded red wine kept at the bottom of the bed in the dormitory poured in your unwashed coffee mug. Those were the days when we have not heard of the best wine glasses.

Obviously there were also the red plastic cups at the keg party passed from one sorority sister to the next frat boy. Or who would forget about getting the alcohol directly from the keg? With the draft dripping from your mouth all the way to your shirt and the bubbles decorating your mouth as if struggling with epilepsy. Those were the days when the best wine glasses were not those long stemmed clear glasses but those drinking containers that no restaurant would be caught dead serving Dom Perignon in.

Who cared about the best wine glasses back then? No one would even worry about drinking the best beer. The most important thing is having booze in the system to get you bold enough to play strip poker in the center of the party area.

There are also those bad times when the best wine glasses are directly from the bottle. An affordable rum purchased at a 711, still covered with that brown bag, guzzled on a street corner three seconds from the convenience store.

Not even the school room is immune from students taking in their best wine glasses with the most affordable vodka from the fraternity party the other night. How would the teacher detect your alcohol when that vodka glass is in the form of a plastic bottle of water.

Who said group studies are a bore? Who gets bored when you’re passing around a bottle of gin to help keep you from sleeping through calculus books. The educational group activity would soon develop into the best game show never shown on television-give me the right answer or give me a piece of clothing.

In memory, the best wine glasses are those that don’t resemble a wine glass at all. It’s the only clean soup dish in the kitchen area that is deep enough to be full of scotch. The best college wine glass is the pitcher where the drink was mixed but was passed around for the intoxication party because the allowance was not enough to purchase a pack of Springfield plastic cups. The best wine glasses are memories of College.

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